Stupid Cupid: Real Love Isn’t on a Price Tag
The Valentine’s Day Gimmick
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” A day marketed as a celebration of love, romance, and connection. A day where affection is measured by flowers, reservations, and price tags, packaged and purchased, then expected to last just 24 hours.
Compatibility quizzes, secret love letters, surprise gifts and grand gestures, candy, flowers, balloons, expensive meals; all of this meant to spark the feeling we’re taught is “love”. We learn that love is shown through gifts, money, and that butterfly feeling we get when we think someone might like us back. It quickly becomes about status: who gets picked and who doesn’t. It is a holiday that reminds us love is conditional and earned.
How This Affects Us
This messaging doesn’t disappear the next day. It tells our nervous systems that love looks like gifts, safety looks like approval, acceptance looks like accomplishment, and connection looks like affirmation. Over time, these beliefs shape how we relate to others and how we relate to ourselves, often leaving us anxious, disconnected, or chasing something that never feels secure.
Humans are built for connection. We regulate our nervous systems through safety, belonging, and shared experience. So this year, consider opting out of the Valentine’s Day pressure. Get curious about what real love and connection means to you.
Choosing Real Connection
Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity to broaden our definition of love beyond romance. Love exists in small, ordinary acts of care: checking in with someone, sharing a meal, listening, or simply being present. Allow love to be ordinary and ongoing. Have a movie night with friends. Check in on someone who’s been quiet. Attend a community event. Support an organization doing good work. Rest without needing to earn it.
Understanding how our nervous system receives love and identifies safety can help rewrite the false narratives we’ve been taught. Identifying our own patterns in love and relationships allows us to renegotiate what true safety feels like, creating space for authentic connection.
Love doesn’t need a once-a-year marketing campaign, just time, presence, and people.
If you’re interested in deepening connections with yourself, your relationships or your community, therapy can be a place to explore what care and belonging look like for you, outside of the capitalist expectations. Reach out today to get started.
