Staying Regulated Through the Holidays

Written By Nicole Tyrpak

The holiday season is upon us. You know that time of year with chaotic schedules, changing temperatures, decreased sunlight, seasonal depression, and often, lots of family time. While this season can bring both joy and discomfort, it is notoriously a hard season for us all. With these challenges, comes the need for self-regulation. We may find ourselves overwhelmed, conflicted, depressed, reflective, and or any number of other emotions, and this is the time when true regulation is tested.

What is regulation?

Regulation does not mean everlasting peace, or never experiencing

any triggers; we are human after all. What regulation means is the attunement with our bodies and nervous systems. Understanding and recognizing our triggers, what sensations emotions bring to our bodies, and finding safety through process and grounding. This is challenging on any given day, but is particularly challenging during the holiday season when demands on our personal and professional lives increase and structure shifts.

When you are dysregulated you may find yourself experiencing a host of complicated, complex and often conflicting emotions. You may isolate or withdraw, you may overcompensate and “do too much”, you dissociate or disconnect, you may be irritable, your people pleasing tendencies may shift into overdrive; whatever it is you experience, this is your body and nervous system telling you something is off and shifting into survival mode.

What to notice when you become dysregulated:

Our bodies and nervous systems are wired by our unique past experiences and send us signals when something feels dangerous or unfamiliar. When you are dysregulated, your body responds, telling you that “danger is near.” Once this has been registered, our bodies naturally shift into survival modes: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Each survival response shows up differently in the body. You may become tense; parts of your body may feel heavy, hot, cold, tight, tingly, or jittery. You might experience pain, feel the urge to run or escape, withdraw, shut down, or disconnect. You may also find yourself trying to please or appease those around you in an effort to regain a sense of safety.  It’s important to approach these sensations with curiosity and compassion, not criticism and judgement. Below are some ways to recognize and identify these sensations to help us make sense of the emotions we’re feeling, understand the messages behind them, and learn how to regulate ourselves.

Learning to Regulate:

  1. Pause and notice

    1. Take a deep breath and pause 

    2. Identify sensations in the body without judgement

      1. Use “I notice [sensation]” to notice your response

  2. Find the feeling in your body

    1. Focus on 3 major zones: chest, stomach, shoulders

      1. Get curious: does this area feel heavy or light? Tight or loose? Hot or cold? Numb or neutral?

        1. Place your hand on the strongest sensation and allow yourself to take a deep breath.

  3. Name the emotion (get specific!)

    1. “I am feeling [emotion]”

      1. Ask yourself ‘why’ and/or ‘what’ questions 

        1. Why do I feel [emotion]? What is making me feel [emotion]?

        2. Ex: I am feeling sad. -> I am feeling sad because I felt unheard by my parents.

  4. Regulate

    1. This could look different for every individual.

      1. Regulation could be going for a walk, grounding your feet, taking deep breaths, splashing cold water on your face, etc.

      2. Utilizing coping skills here can help bring you back to regulation

        1. Body scan- notice what sensations you feel where without judgement

        2. Deep breathing or breathing activities such as box breathing, bee breathing, 3,3,3 breathing

        3. Grounding- Feeling your feet on the ground, 5,4,3,2,1, orient to time and space, expand your gaze, journal

        4. Intentional movement- stretching, swaying, rocking, walking, jogging/running, exercise, dance, cat/cow, downward dog, any restorative yoga pose

        5. Vocalizing- voo-ing, humming, singing, screaming

        6. Release muscles- unclench- jaw, fists, toes. Stretch tense muscles, roll neck and shoulders, wiggle toes/fingers, extremities, press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and release

        7. Temperature- cold or hot shower, cold or hot packs, splashing cold water on face, taking a brisk walk in the cold, drink something hot or cold

        8. Audio- music that relaxes or energizes you (depending on the need), sound bath, cultural music to ground to with your ancestors

When you have the time and safe space to process your experience:

  1. Explore your needs

    1. Explore what you were needing from the experience

      1. “Because I feel [emotion], I likely need [specific need]

        1. Because I feel unheard, I likely need connection and validation.

  2. Break the cycle with curiosity, not criticism

    1. Check-in with yourself after the event:

      1. Facts of the situation - what happened?

      2. Sensations from the situation - where did I feel it?

      3. Emotions from the situation - what emotion did I notice?

      4. Needs from the situation - what need did I identify?

      5. Skill building - what small skill can I try earlier next time?



How do you plan to regulate this holiday season? Need help making a plan? Schedule with us today. 

Nicole Tyrpak https://Emeraldcounselingllc.com